


We Walk A Road Of Mistakes

by CheekysMagic



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys Kissing, Discussion of Abortion, Drug Use, Fainting, Fluff and Angst, Jesse being a grumpy bitch, M/M, Mpreg, NSFW, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Toys, Smoking, Smut, when isn't he?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheekysMagic/pseuds/CheekysMagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse had fucked up. He'd really fucked up and there was no going back. No matter how hard he'd try, he knew he didn't have the guts. He was well and truly fucked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a series and hopefully I'll be able to get chapters out quickly c: Again excuse the poor writing as I wrote this a while ago..

Jesse slammed the door hard with a bang loud enough to echo through the entire house. He was glad to know no one else lived here or else he’d probably get a hollering like he used to, so it gave a positive outlook to what living alone gave. Anyway, he locked the door and ran upstairs, swerving into his bedroom at a speed which could be considered faster than lightning and then he collapsed onto his bed, breathing hot and heavy, his heart pounding harder with every breath in his chest as he tried to calm himself down.

“Jesse, you know you can tell me anything..right?” Badger looked over at his friend in a confused fashion, wondering why he had been averting eye contact. They had been hanging out at Skinny Pete’s, smoking joints and drinking booze until Pete had literally collapsed into a state of unconsciousness and now it was just him and Badger, or Brandon whatever way you wanna put it. 

They had been talking about their sales of meth when Badger had decided to go off topic to ask if Jesse had hooked up with someone again, this made the younger stoner panic and he was quick to dismiss he was seeing anyone, staring down at the ground with his cheeks flushed stupidly red. 

He hated that he got embarrassed like this, he was twenty years old for God’s sake, yet it seemed he had the hormones of a fourteen year old girl, crushing on everyone he sees. Badger had noticed and now they were in the situation where Jesse could choose passing out which was the easy option, or coming clean which was the most mature. 

Well, Jesse Pinkman was sure as hell no pussy when it came to shit like this. He quickly stood up off the floor despite the fact he was wobbly from the booze and wandered over to the sofa Badger was sat on, seating himself next to him, each move that followed was thought over a good five or six times before he did it. 

His heart was hurting from how hard it was beating, he was unsure if it were the weed in the system of the fear he was feeling but he eventually managed to get over it and shift his head slowly over, close his eye and then lean in to test for a kiss. 

Badger’s first reaction as Pinkman felt it was shock by the way his body froze up upon contact of their lips, when this happened it was a fast reaction to then pull away since he didn’t know what he was doing. He looked his friend over and began to think things over. 

Badger wasn’t the best looking of all guys, in fact he would call him fugly on account of his face, but despite that and his reputation with selling meth and doing drugs and being ridiculously fucking tall, Badger was actually pretty sweet. He was kind, dumb and considerate, not a thing you’d usually find in a drug distributor, well, maybe dumb. But Jesse couldn’t help but want that, want that innocence that made up his friend, and therefore he showed how much he wanted it, but kissing him once again. 

It took a couple minutes but eventually Badger came out of the shock once he heard Jesse bark “What?!” aggressively at him since all he had been doing was staring at him and not really registering the world outside him, his expression being stupid enough to make Jesse feel self-conscious, but once he had registered, he actually managed to smile at him. 

“So, that’s why you don’t have a girl..” The next couple of minutes passed that mainly just consisted of soft moans and movement on the couch as both boys made themselves comfortable. Jesse crawled his way onto Badger’s lap for better leverage since he was way too damn tall compared to him and this gave him better level for heated kissing. 

There was stupid smacking noises as they severed their lips repeatedly, small little gasps from Jesse as Badger pushed a cold hand up his shirt and rested it on his chest and they attempted to do this as quietly as possible with what volume they could get to with their mouths. It was wet, messy and Jesse had to make an effort not to moan too loud when he could feel Badger sucking on his tongue. Damn teasing bastard. 

“Son of a bitch..” Pinkman gasped when he felt Badger grab his thigh roughly and squeeze, causing his cock to start dancing in his jeans and soak his boxers to the point where they stuck to his skin. He could feel that Badger was hard too from the sharp bulge pressing against the side of his inner-thigh. 

Jesse was about to start teasing it when a noise caught their attention, severing their harsh kisses. “You guys gotta stop lettin’ me drink so much” It was Pete waking up, luckily he was still facing away them so it gave them a good amount of time to jump apart and get into positions that seemed as nonchalant as possible before he got up properly and turned around.

“Yo, what have ya been doin’ while av been out?” Skinny Pete slurred as he turned around to face them, Jesse swallowed thickly and Badger simply shrugged his shoulders, deciding to save them an awkward fate. “Jesse was just talking about leaving now, before he gets too drunk to drive home. Ya know how bad the cops are for stopping you at this time of day” 

Pinkman had never felt such relief until now. “U-ugh yeah man, gotta sober up before we hit the town tonight. I’ll catch you two bitches later!” Standing up, Jesse grabbed his coat and exited the house, his heart pounding and breathing heavy as he needed to get home quick. 

“Oh fuck..” A soft whine echoed around the room, the bed was rocking at an even pace while the headboard continuously hit itself off the wall. Jesse threw his head back in order to ward off moaning any louder, this house had a lot of open space so any little sound bounced off its walls. 

It wasn’t surprising that he was fucking himself, dildo underneath him that he’d had to get his aunt to buy him after his own sheer embarrassment to even enter a sex shop, let alone go in and buy a dildo in there (God, she was a saint). But after what had happened with Badger, there was this sheer heat that refused to leave him, their kisses reminiscing as well as his friend’s skilled hands, Jesse fucked himself as hard as he could seated on top of the dildo since it was really the only place that didn’t hurt his hand after prolonged time. It helped that he was slick from the make out so there wasn’t much prepping involved, but Christ it was like a fever trying to match his thirst for something to be inside him, not matter how hard he bounced, it never felt like the real thing.

The noises started getting louder. The headboard against the wall, the horny sounds of Jesse moaning and the slick from his hole as he started pounding harder onto the dildo, it hit the sweet spot inside of him and that struck flames within his body and his dick having been neglected jumped upward, flushed with arousal and desperate to be jerked. 

Jesse reached down and gave in to its desperation, tugging it only three times before he came hard onto his arm. He continued only a few minutes later, and then again and again until he literally passed out from exhaustion. Body tingling and hole sore, Jesse sighed, not knowing what was gonna come out of this, him and Badger. 

Wrong but also kinda arousing in that sense, it was so against what they did around town but after rehab Pinkman had changed. He wasn’t this gangster wannabe, he was professional Jesse Pinkman who worked alongside Heisenberg as his partner in the meth trade. He was mature, adult and fucking hell was he gonna let one little make out session be the end of him. 

“Jesse.. Jesse!” Coming out of what Pinkman guessed to be a faze, he saw Mr. White standing in front of him, his face resembling what it would look like to have a poker shoved up his ass. To put it simply, he looked pissed. “I told you to pack up half hour ago, why are you still here?!” Jesse looked around and blinked vividly, he had completely forgotten that he was in the lab that Gus had assigned them to, he must have utterly blanked out to have forgotten he was there. 

“S-sorry Mr. White.. Got a little dis-distracted is all” He sighed and turned around to start taking his protective clothing off, wincing as he lifted his legs out as he was still sore from the other night, stinging pain shooting up his ass like a bitch, he was quick to ignore it and play it off as he packed everything away and grabbed his stuff, but from the looks of it, Mr. White was not easily fooled. 

“Jesse, what’s been going on? You keep blanking out and when I ask why you make up damn excuses”, the older man stormed over, glaring so hard all the wrinkles on his face contorted, “you better tell me what’s going on, or so help me I’ll find another lab partner who doesn’t keep flying off to fairy land!”

“Fuck you! I slave away every night makin’ sure we make enough glass to reach the agreed amount and just cause I blank out a bit ya gonna fire me bitch?! Man, fuck you!” Jesse angrily grabbed his jacket and stomped up the stairs, ignoring Mr. White’s calls to come back as his blood was currently boiling. He needed some kind of a release, and he knew exactly what kind of release he needed. 

A shrill gasp filled the room as Badger pushed further in, forcing Jesse to open his legs wider to accommodate the girth of the cock currently entering his ass. He was slick and spread enough of course, but damn it was gonna take some getting used to before Jesse could take all of him in one go. 

“You liking that?” Badger asked, his voice soft and sensual as always during sex, raking his hands over Pinkman’s hips to guide him down onto his dick until he had managed to take all of him, hole swallowing it whole which caused Jesse to shiver. God did Badger treat him good during sex, he was gentle when Jesse wanted him to be, rough as fuck when he wanted him to be. Right now, it was gentle since pushing in was always going to be difficult in the young stoner’s case, slick enough or not. 

Then, there was no gentleness once Badger had fully seated himself inside Jesse. He drew out slowly making it seem this was gonna be a gentle fuck, but god damn was Pinkman wrong.

The minute he drew out, was the minute he slammed back in at full force causing Jesse to fall forward with his mouth gaping open, his hands resting on the taller junkie’s chest in order to stop himself from collapsing from the sheer force of his cock now pounding into his asshole. “Fuck.. Don’t stop.. Don’t stop..” Jesse whined softly as he decided to meet Badger’s hips with every thrust he gave, feeling him begin to scrape against his sweet spot already, Pinkman knew he wasn’t gonna last long. 

Not when the flames were already climbing in his lower belly. “Motherfuck--” Jesse shuddered as the sensation grew, eyes having to be shut tightly as he attempted to maintain control but its tough when you have an eight inch dick launching into you thrust per second. 

Eventually, deciding that he couldn’t take it anymore, Jesse came hard onto himself and Badger, allowing him to follow on afterwards which felt amazing if the stoner was to be honest with himself. Load after load filled his ass until he felt him pull out, Jesse just collapsed on top of him in order to catch his breath since it seemed he’d completely lost it. 

“Same time next week?” Pinkman breathed out as he continued to pant with exhaustion, feeling his friend’s hand reach over to his hair where it played fondly. “Yeah, have you not gotta work late again? I heard Mr. White has been prolonging the hours..” Jesse froze up, last thing he wanted to think about right now was that asshole of a partner right after sex, such a buzzkill of a conversation. 

So instead, he just shrugged his shoulders to get him off the subject and then leaned over to press a kiss to Badger’s lips, it was short and kind of used as an excuse for him to shut up, but regardless of that, Badger was still smiling like the dumbass he was after it. 

Their sessions after that went on for about on for about two months. They’d see each other after work, go get high off their asses on dope and then fuck until they both passed out. They thought nothing of it really, just a way to pass the time and relieve themselves of the stresses that drug dealing made out for them.

Mr. White was continuing to nag Jesse’s ass while Badger simply moped around town dealing all the meth that Pinkman could steal. They were going steady and if anything, they both felt this could continue for a long time. 

“So uh.. Are we boyfriends?”

Jesse almost choked on the ash of his cigarette. They were lying in bed together having recently just finished one of their sessions, Jesse having an after-sex smoke while Badger lay next to him, supposedly asleep until he had just come out with that surprising bombshell of a statement. 

“What d’ya mean?” The younger junkie asked, his heart beating unsteadily in his chest at the sheer mention of ‘boyfriends’. He liked Badger, and he liked all the sex and kisses and shit. But to think they were in a relationship, that was a whole new thing. 

“I dunno man, we’re kinda like um.. Friends with benefits ya know? All the sex but none of the commitment thing. If ya catch my drift..” Jesse took another drag of his cigarette and blew out the smoke above Badger’s head as he looked down at him, an awkward smile on his face, but if anything, his friend did not seem to be on the same ground as him. 

“Um, I know this had been fun and all but.. But I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with all this. I kinda like you more than friends and sex only worsens it ya know? What with you being cute and all..” It was no mistake that when Badger called Jesse cute, his face turned bright red. Not with embarrassment but with anger, no one called Jesse Pinkman cute. No one. 

Putting out his fag and pulling his boxers on, Pinkman stood up straight out of bed and glared at Badger, there was turmoil boiling in his belly at this point. “Cute? You think I’m cute? Listen here bitch, I am single handedly the worst man you could ever come across in Albuquerque right now! I’ve killed people for fuck’s sake! Heisenberg might be on everyone’s top ten scary guy list but listen here beeyatch! Don’t you ever call me cute! In fact.. Don’t ever talk to me.. You’re fucking dead to me Badger!” 

And with that Jesse grabbed his clothes and car keys and stormed out of Badger’s apartment. His heart still hadn’t calmed down its pace but it wasn’t like he cared when his whole head was being baked like it was in a microwave. He stormed into the car park and found his vehicle, climbed in and sped away, going home only this time without a boner in his pants. 

Work came the next day and Jesse was exhausted as fuck. Having not slept the night before due to his emotions jumping off the walls of his brain and preventing it from shutting down to let him sleep, the young junkie felt shitty and honestly just wanted this day to end as fast as possible. 

If Mr. White said anything out of line, Jesse would not refrain from hitting him over the head with a measuring cylinder. It was certain today would not got down well with him. “Ten minutes late to work I see, am I going to have to expect you’ll be late every day now as well as the blanking out?” Giving that bald asshole a single look, Jesse hissed out. “Suck my dick, bitch” And walked straight over to the protective clothing cabinets, pulling them on over his clothes while he could hear White coming over. 

Several prep talks and arguments later led to both men working in silence alongside each other. Jesse just stared down into the huge oven where he poured in the chemicals, the concoction looked like some vomit from a yellow fever victim and it sickened Pinkman to the core, to the point where he had to sit down in order not to gag. “What are you doing? You still have to pour the sodium in there or it’ll harden too fast! Where is your head Jesse?!”

Walter’s words skimmed over Jesse’s head like sheep jumping over a fence. He felt so nauseated and shit, he usually didn’t puss out over gross stuff, for fuck’s sake he melted a body in bathtub and watched its remains fall through his ceiling and onto the ground below. He can still remember the stench, it was literally vomit-inducing but it seems ironically the job which he should be so used to is making him feel worse than that moment. 

Jesse stood up but his legs were like jelly, he wobbled for a while until he felt arms catch him just as he was about to fall over. It was obviously White, who else would be considerate enough to stop a junkie smashing his head open in a meth lab. He heard questions such as if he’d had any drugs, inhaled any chemicals yadda, yadda, yadda. But if anything, Jesse knew something was wrong the minute his vision went blurry and everything turned into darkness.


	2. Misfortune

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the series, I hope you enjoy c: There's a lot of drama in this so watch out

“Jesse! Jesse can you hear me?!” A loud ringing noise filled Jesse’s ears as he began to gain consciousness, he had no idea what had happened, where he was or why Mr. White’s face was hovering over him with such a dumb panicked expression plastered upon it. All Jesse knew, was that it must have involved him passing out. 

“Oh thank god.. I thought you were dead for a minute..” It was strange hearing White’s voice sound so soft and gentle, not that Pinkman cared since it was obvious he’d sound like that considering he’d just fucking passed out on the ground, why else would he sound like that? “Ugh.. What happened?” 

He might as well discover the circumstances of why he was lying on a cold polished floor with his partner kneeling beside him like a fucking nurse or something. “You passed out..” (No shit, Sherlock) “..and I’m not entirely sure why, I checked your gas mask and its completely fine, I checked your clothes for any scent of drugs and your arms.. You’re clean, apart from smelling like cigarettes of course. I don’t know why you fainted..”

A sense of worry spread itself through Jesse’s body, he was feeling nauseous and clammy on account of the fact when he felt his forehead, there was sweat clinging to it. Jesse was ill there was no denying that but the thing was he didn’t know why, it did though, feel like he’d was experiencing a familiar sensation, he wasn’t entirely sure what but he felt like this had happened before. 

“I-I think I need to head home Mr. White. I think I might have the flu..” Without any warning, he felt a hand against his forehead which the junkie was quick to brush off since who the fuck gave him permission to touch his face. “Yeah, you’re really warm. Will you be okay by yourself?” Jesse stood up and steadied his swaying body, closing his eyes and taking in a couple deep breaths as he began to walk over to the cabinets, taking off the protective clothing. “Stop babying me, I’m twenty years old, I can survive a bit of flu..” He grumbled at his partner as he eventually found himself ready to leave, he gave him a final glare and left the underground lab, fresh air hit his nostrils and damn did Jesse appreciate it. 

Unfortunately, as much as Jesse had wished it to be flu. The nausea didn’t quit for a couple weeks after the fainting incident, so it lead to the junkie finding himself driving to the nearest drugstore and using their bathroom. He left the bathroom since he felt it kind sleezy to see the results inside a drugstore toilet and went back to his car, sitting in it while he waited, the radio blasting ‘Radiohead’ as time went by which if anything was his way of putting his mind at ease. 

“Its gonna be okay Jesse, ya don’t have to worry..” He reassured himself repeatedly but he couldn’t help but keep looking at the white stick on the dashboard of his car, it was upside down but it still felt like it was taunting him. Jesse inhaled sharply once ten minutes had gone by and quickly he took hold of the stick and flipped it over. Two little blue lines spelled disaster for Jesse. He was pregnant. 

The clinic smelled strongly of bleach when Jesse walked in, so much it was causing his eyes to water. He could only stare down at the ground as he made his way over to the desk, pulse thundering in his ears, chest hurting and his legs felt like they were made of jelly, struggling to keep up his body weight with every step that he took but he finally approached and looked up at the clerk behind the desk, her eyes seemed transfixed to her computer screen, almost as if she was frozen in place.

“U-um.. Appointment for J-Jesse Pinkman?” The woman did not move from her place but her sunken-in eyes flickered over to his face, no expression though, just staring blankly at him which worried Jesse. “Take a seat. A nurse will be right with you..” 

He turned around slowly and looked over at the small waiting room, on the right side a couple of teen girls sat in a corner with their heads lowered and one was even crying which if anything kind of unsettled Jesse slightly, on the other side was a line of middle-aged women who to the junkie seemed like it wasn’t their first time here, almost like a natural environment for them as they all looked bored and frustrated sitting there.

He took a seat over by a small table where a large pile of magazines and a stack of leaflets sat upon it, he picked up one of the leaflet and started to read it but immediately dropped it when the words ‘ABORTION’ screamed out at him on the front of it in capital letters. Time was going by way too slow for Pinkman’s liking and it was beginning to get to him, he wanted this over and done with, he was too young to have a kid. Especially with Badger for that matter. 

“Jesse Pinkman?”

A small nurse came around the corner practically yelling his name, all the women within the clinic turned their head to look at him and he swallowed thickly, becoming aware he was the only male there. He stood up slowly and gave the nurse a small smile, wandering over to her while deciding to stare down at his old friend the floor again while they went up corridors, up flights of stairs until eventually they stopped at a room labeled ‘Dr. Lineman (PhD in Women’s Health and Pregnancy Care)’ 

Jesse’s stomach churned as the door opened and he was lead inside to a smartly dressed woman with what he guessed to be a lab coat on, she was smiling which gave him a little bit of reassurance but he still felt like throwing up when the smell of bleach only increased once he had wandered into her office. “You must be Jesse, please, have a seat”

Sitting down felt like the hardest task in the world right now, he slowly propped himself down onto the chair and watched as the nurse who had accompanied him leave the room, now it was just him and the doctor. “So, tell me Jesse. Why do you want an abortion?” Almost immediately, his mouth went dry and Pinkman forgot how to talk, he had almost felt like shrugging for a second but he remembered, this woman was trying to help him.   
“I uh.. I’m too young to have a kid ya know, I’m single, live alone and I have a job.. Just don’t think I’d be able to look after it” The doctor simply nodded, she was writing down something on a piece of paper in a little notebook, Jesse could hear his heartbeat in his ears again. 

“Ah, well I’m here to tell you that this is an environment where no one will judge you. I’m only here for your care and to help you get through this okay? Anyway, first things first, how far along are you?” That heartbeat suddenly increased as Jesse was now realising, he had no fucking clue when Badger had impregnated him. 

They’d had sex so frequently without a condom that it could have happened literally at random, it scared Pinkman to think that he was pregnant and still having sex with Badger without even knowing it. “The thing is, I don’t really know. Me and my uh.. P-partner before we split we did it a lot so uh.. I don’t actually know when I got pregnant..” 

Every word felt acidic on Jesse’s tongue but the doctor was still smiling, writing things down but that smile refused to leave her face. “Well, the only thing I can do before we start the abortion is to check how far along you are, so we’ll have to give you an ultrasound”

As soon as he heard her say that word, the junkie knew it was all over. Knowing it existed with that shitty two dollar pregnancy test was enough, but to actually see it. To see the thing that had been growing inside of him before he got rid of it, freaked the fuck out of Jesse. An ultrasound was going to be torturous. 

The machine was small and kind of looked like a small television except it was hooked up to a billion different wires, she had it balanced on a small metal table with wheels and all of a sudden, she pointed to an examination bed from which Jesse guessed he’d be lying on it. “If you wouldn’t mind Jesse, could you lift up your shirt up to lower chest? Just so I can do the scan” 

Swallowing thickly, Pinkman did as he was told and lay himself down on the table, grabbing both sides of his shirt and pulling it up slowly, there was no bulge or any evidence of there being a kid beneath Jesse’s flattened stomach but he still felt a presence, it honestly scared him. 

“I’m just gonna put the gel on now, it’ll be cold so be wary” She wasn’t wrong. As soon as it was squirted onto his skin, Jesse hissed and tried his hardest not to pull away, then he felt it, the probe against his stomach which promptly spelt out that she was looking for it. She was looking for his baby. 

Jesse attempted to stare up at the ceiling which she looked for it, as a way of distracting himself from his whole ordeal and get it over and done with, she was taking her fine time though, moving the now sticky probe around his belly which if anything felt incredibly uncomfortable but then, his attention was caught by her yelling a sharp ‘Aha!’ under her breath and this caused him to snap his head in her direction, accidentally making eye contact with the screen of the machine.   
It was fuzzy and a little bit hard to see but Jesse knew he could see it, that small little blob that stood out of everything else within the scan. “Looks like you’re about ten weeks gone, so just around the recommended time of pregnancy to have an abortion” The junkie wished that he had replied to her but his eyes were fixated with that image. That blob, that fuzzy little blob was his baby and as much as Jesse wanted to deny it, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get rid of his blob. 

The week after his appointment went by quite smoothly, no more nausea (or at least he now lacked having large bouts of it), no more blackouts and no more blanking out at work. Jesse felt actually happy for once in his life. He started thinking about it one morning at work as he was stirring the mixture of chemicals within a large mixing vat, currently he was making a new batch of meth which surprisingly was easier to make than he thought, probably cause his brain wasn’t clogged with shit like it had been before. 

“How’s that next batch going Jesse?” Mr. White appeared from the side of the vat, looking up at the junkie with his stupid squinty eyes. “It’s fine. Why would you even need to ask?” Instead of a reply, the old man simply grumbled about his blanking out and fainting incident, Pinkman did him the honour of flipping him off and to his surprise, Mr. White returned it and stormed off to smash more of their trays that had been building up the past couple days, production had gone off the scales with how hard they were working. 

“How come you haven’t been hanging out with those junkie friends of yours? I haven’t had a stolen batch in a month..” 

Immediately Jesse froze and he closed the lid of the vat, he decided not to answer that and climbed down off the ladder, going over to the stack of trays and smashing it up, it was satisfying watching it be broken up into little smoke size pieces but Jesse was quick to dismiss that thought, he couldn’t think of smoking meth right now, not when he had.. As much as he hated to admit it to himself, a baby on the way. 

“Any reason you’re not answering me?” White marched over to him and grabbed the tray he was holding, pulling it off of him and emptying the contents into one of the boxes before he threw it across the floor. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Jesse yelled, knowing for a fact this old bastard was having trust issues with him again. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ll have Gale back! Now stop avoiding the question Jesse! Why have I not heard anything from or about them?!”

By now, the junkie’s blood was boiling hot and bubbling up to its brim like a volcano ready to blow its summit. He shoved Mr. White hard in the chest and manoeuvred away from him. “That ain’t none of your business bitch! Ever heard of falling out with people?! Or are you just number one friends with everyone kind of guy?!” White was quick on his feet to reply to him. “Bullshit Jesse! You’re stealing again and I know it!” Everything was seething, Pinkman was seeing red and like a bull he felt tempted to charge at it. If only he could punch this grumpy bastard in the face, knock him out and have some fucking peace for once.   
“I haven’t stolen shit you stupid fuck!” But Walter still wasn’t believing him, he was shoving Jesse against a corner from which he couldn’t escape, he was gonna have to spill it. Spill that he wasn’t seeing his friends because he didn’t wanna see Badger. 

That he was ashamed of being pregnant and that Badger was the father. That he had given up smoking and god damn was it messing with his head. Jesus, he was so tempted to scream it all in his face right now. In fact, as Jesse decided just there, he would. 

“How bout this then?! Maybe I don’t wanna see my friends cause I was fucking one of them! We split and now I don’t wanna see his fugly fucking face! Maybe I don’t wanna see my friends because the guy I fucked got me pregnant and I’m ashamed about it! Or maybe I don’t wanna see them cause I love messing with your dumb fucking head!”

Walter’s eyes widened as he stepped away from him as soon as he finished speaking. His face had loosened extremely from his once angered expression to now looking stupidly concerned, the junkie decided not to say anything, he just glared at Mr. White and hoped to god that was enough to make him leave him alone. 

“Y-you’re pregnant?” Pinkman scowled at him, was that the only thing he was bothered about? What a jackass. “I was, I went to the clinic last week and had it aborted.. So don’t worry yourself bitch” That didn’t seem to lessen the dumb look on his face, in fact it only served to make him look worse. It made Jesse mad seeing the old bastard show that stupid ‘I care about you friend and wanna help’ expression and god damn it only made things worse. 

“That was a lie.. I did go, but that dumb bitch of a doctor did an ultrasound while I was there. She fucked with my head and..” Jesse sighed and looked down at the polished floor of the kab, sitting himself down on the small table where they usually did their meth calculations. White had made him feel so much more worse, he felt like spilling more. 

“I-it’s happened before. I was sixteen. At a party having smoked a shit ton of pot when this guy came up to me, I didn’t even know his name but regardless, we fucked. Next thing I know, I’m at my aunt’s crying my eyes out cause I went and got myself knocked up. I wanted an abortion but my aunt convinced me to keep it.” 

“So I stopped smoking, took all the prenatal shit she got me and ya know what happened? Four months in and I wake up in the middle of the night cause my stomach is cramping. I turn on the light and there’s just blood. Blood fucking everywhere. I tried my hardest to look after my baby and it fucking died, fell outta me and onto my aunt’s lovely white sheets. And for what? To fucking punish me for messing up? So anyway, I’ll be damned to have another kid end up the same way..”

“Jesse I..” Glaring in his direction, Pinkman didn’t want to hear it, there were tears in his eyes and he wanted to go home where he could be by himself and not have to listen to Mr. White’s bullshit. “Just.. don’t tell Gus, okay? I’m going home, I can’t deal being in here any longer” And with that, Jesse pulled off his protective gear and stormed up the steps of the lab, slamming the door behind him of his way out. 

From that point on, Mr. White didn’t bring up anything about Jesse’s friends or the fact that he was pregnant, which to Jesse was quite relieving considering he’d been having a hard time actually accepting the fact that he had decided to keep the kid. 

He had reached his three month mark recently and due to his slim build, his middle had fattened rather dramatically, small but still obvious to the eye if he happened to lift his shirt up, he was thankful that he wore such baggy t-shirts to hide what lay underneath. 

Currently, he was at work in the lab, hose-washing the vat of the gunk which had built up inside it, chewing some nicotine gum loudly which was happening to get on White’s nerves. “Could you chew any louder?!” The old man grumbled, scrubbing a vent roughly with a large brush. “Oh I’m sorry, would you rather I went outside and had a smoke? Sorry for being considerate, bitch!” 

Walter simply sighed at Pinkman’s aggressive reply and went back to scrubbing which Jesse scoffed and went back to hosing, eyebrows knitting together though when he felt a wave a nausea wash over him, forcing him to back away from the vat and sit down to avoid vomiting. 

“Fuck..”

He was half expecting the old bastard to come over and ask what was wrong but it seemed pretty obvious that Walter had learned to avoid him when he was like this and give him space, which if anything gave Jesse relief. For once he didn’t have that wrinkled asshole breathing down his neck every time he happened to stop working. 

“Yo, we got any water?” White stopped himself again and sighed, going into the small office in the back of the lab to where there was a water cooler, next thing Jesse knew he was being handed a small cup of water and being instructed to sit in the office while Walter finished up. 

The sickness was so bad, that Pinkman didn’t even argue and instead just crawled his way over to the room, taking off his gas mask to down the entire cup of water, he knew that was a bad idea but Jesse couldn’t really find himself giving a shit. Next thing he knew he found himself lying down on the small couch in the office, drifting into darkness which he could only assume was sleep taking over. 

“Shit.. Badger..” Jesse’s body shivered as he felt lips against his neck, the couch in Badger’s apartment was uncomfortable but the junkie put up with it if it meant getting the treatment that he was getting right now. 

It all kind of fazed over honestly, he had received a phone call from Badger asking for him to come over, to sort their shit out and possibly become friends again. Next thing he knew he’d arrived, they talked and now he’s rocking his hips against Badger’s and they’re in the midst of a steamy make out, but it wasn’t like he had any objections to that happening. None at all. 

He hadn’t had sex in about a month, so he was incredibly blue-balled. Hands groped his hips and he felt lips travel from the side of his neck all the way up to his jaw, he could feel Badger’s stubble scratch against his cheek, causing a burn that made Jesse moan like a wet whore. Talking about wet though, his boxers were as damp as a rainforest swamp due to his slick, not to mention how hard he was as his dick strained itself against his jeans. 

Everything moved slow and gentle, their lips joined up again to a hot make out where which Badger let out all of his tricks once again, biting his lower lip, sucking on his tongue, Jesse hadn’t moaned like this for weeks. It felt good getting this kind of pleasure again. But, that was held short when he suddenly felt Badger snaking his hands up Pinkman’s shirt since that proved to be quite a problem. 

There had been no mention of you-know-who to the taller junkie and if anything, Jesse planned to keep it that way, he knew immediately that if Badger felt his stomach, he’d catch on. He needed to find a way to stop that happening. “B-Badger.. Not yet, take it slow.”, “We’ve gone slow enough, don’t you wanna have sex?..” 

Now, he was stuck. On one side, of course Jesse wanted to have sex but on the other side, he didn’t want him finding out, it was too light out to fuck in the dark and they’d never done it with the curtains closed so it would be highly likely that Badger would get suspicious. Pinkman would have to get snappy if he didn’t stop trying to put his hands up his shirt. 

“Wanna move to the bed?”

Jesse looked up at Badger and relief flooded through him, if they did it under the sheets then he might be able to hide his stomach, as long as Badger didn’t touch him there. It was darker under the sheets too, so this plan may be fool-proof and Badger was a pretty big fool. They stood up nonchalantly like they always did and suddenly the taller of them both started unchanging on the opposite side of the bed. 

Jesse swallowed thickly and started with his jeans first, undoing them and letting them fall to the floor, his underwear followed and then suddenly another idea came into his head. The young stoner climbed into the bed and under the sheets, pulling them up to his chest and then tugging off his shirt. “I thought maybe we could fuck under the sheets? Mix it up at bit?” Badger shrugged his shoulders and smiled, climbing in beside and then on top of him, cupping Jesse’s face to start kissing him again, soft and heated pecks which had Pinkman’s heart racing. 

“You ready?” Jesse could only nod, his eyes closed tight as he felt a finger slowly enter inside of him, breathing in deeply as a small burn spread itself within him but fortunately his slick did help the burn pass since there was never a time where fingering did not feel good to Jesse. Two more were added and a whole new sensation travelled through him, a loud moan left his mouth as Badger began to thrust all three digits into him. 

The wet of his slick, the bedsprings and Pinkman’s hot gasps echoed through the room until finally Jesse couldn’t take it any longer. He needed to be fucked. Hard. “B-Badger.. E-enough, lets fuck.. Now” 

Turns out that he didn’t need to say anything else as he felt his fingers be pulled out of him and instead, Jesse felt something much larger be pressed against his hole, slowly and like old times, Badger pushed in gently just so it didn’t hurt the younger stoner too much. Jesse just pulled his legs back as far as they could go and threw his head back, feeling him go deeper until Badger paused, only guessing that the entirety of his dick was now inside him.

Now, Jesse knew what was coming, there was a release of fullness as Badger pulled out and all of a sudden rammed back in, causing Pinkman to gasp loudly and grasp the sheets tight. “Son of a bitch..fuck” He continued to pound his cock into Jesse, hard thrusts that had the stoner seeing stars until he finally hit his sweet spot and he found himself going over the edge. 

His gasps turned into over-the-top moans and screams as he finally came hard with no help from his hand, Badger followed suit, filling Jesse with his load until it spilled out, pulling out only to allow more to spill. 

Badger shifted over and collapsed next to Jesse, kissing the side of his neck delicately while he tried to catch his breath as after-shocks of pleasure crashed down on him until eventually he calmed himself, still breathing incredibly hard though. 

“S-sorry bout your sheets..” Jesse joked, turning himself over to face him with a small smile, moving his arm over to Badger’s chest, tracing small circles with his fingers while trying to fight back the urge to smoke like he always did after sex, he needed gum but he’d forgotten to bring some. “Its okay, heh.. So uh, what we doing from here?”

“What do you mean?” There was a pause before Badger spoke up again. “Us, Jesse. What happens to us? Is it gonna be just sessions again or more?” Jesse sighed heavily and pinched his brow, unsure what to say considering he only did it with Badger for a release of his sexual frustration, he still saw him as a friend. “Look Badger, you’re my friend and I plan to keep it that way.. I know you want more but I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I’m sorry man but I’m not interested”

There was a painful silence that followed but from the looks of it, it seemed that Badger understood what he had said which gave Jesse relief, at least it didn’t end up like last time which had ended quite sourly if he did say so himself. They both smiled at one another and shifted closer to one another, Jesse resting his head on Badger’s chest while the taller stoner played with his hair. 

He was beginning to fall asleep when suddenly his hand slipped down and before he could stop him, Badger froze and slowly shifted his hand upwards. Jesse pulled away and sat up, fully exposing his stomach but what was the point in attempting to hide it now, his eyes bulged in shock while Badger seemed to share the same expression. Everything had just collapsed and fucked itself. Pinkman couldn’t believe it. Badger knew. 

“U-um.. Jesse.. Don’t get mad but.. But is it.. Is it mine?” 

Jesse decided to play the oblivious card and pretended he didn’t know what he was talking about. “What? Is what yours?” That didn’t seem to get a good reaction out of Badger, and he was quick to snap at him, it was quite rare to see him angry. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know! Your stomach is more bloated than a kid’s at Thanksgiving! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Jesse glared at him and stood up out of bed, there was literally no point in attempting to hide it now, he started pulling on his clothes, he didn’t see why he had to reply and explain himself. “Jesse don’t ignore me!” But ignore him, he did. Jesse grabbed his car keys and stormed out of Badger’s apartment, slamming the door behind him.


	3. Bright Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry chapters haven't been updated! I was on holiday so I couldn't post :/ Just a small warning, this chapter is quite long!

Pulling into the driveway of his house, Jesse sighed heavily and rested his head on the steering wheel of his car, attempting to calm down. His heart was currently pounding in his chest and there were tears gathered in his eyes, some had managed to escape as he blinked but he was quick to wipe them away. 

“Fuck..” He whispered to himself, upset that Badger had found out. That stupid asshole had found out. Jesse could only hope to god nothing was going to relapse from this, it would just add another portion of stress to Jesse’s already full plate.

He eventually forced himself to leave the car and wandered into the house, closing the door behind him with such a slam that it echoed throughout the entire house and through Pinkman’s body, making him shiver violently as he then threw himself against the wall and slumped there. 

He felt like shit, with his stomach churning like a cement mixer and his head aching with the piles upon piles of stress resting on it. Jesse had never felt so ill in all of his life, and he was pregnant for fuck’s sake.

It seemed the sickness got the better of him, as he found himself running toward the bathroom, emptying his guts which if anything, was nothing more but a pastime for the young druggie, nothing new to him at all. Except, this time it was different, because he couldn’t stop vomiting. 

Even after he had cleared the contents of his stomach, he found himself dry-heaving into the toilet bowl, praying that it would stop. His belly began to ache severely, but he took no notice of it, the heaving stopping which made Jesse collapse back onto the bathroom floor, gasping hard for air and wiping the sweat from off of his clammy face. 

Suddenly from nowhere, Jesse gasped aloud and lurched forward when he felt a sharp pain travel swiftly through his abdomen. “What the fu--” It happened again and he doubled over at the sheer pain, it felt familiar and this caused Pinkman to panic. It was the same pain he felt the night he miscarried onto his aunt’s sheets. Jesse was miscarrying.

“Fuck.. This can’t be happening, I can’t lose you. Man the fuck up kid, stop..ahh, stop trying to evacuate my body yo!” With shaking legs, the junkie pulled himself up off the floor and ran into the kitchen, quickly having to grab the breakfast bar in order to not fall over. He saw his phone and snatched it up quickly, calling the only number he knew would help him now. 

“Hello, Walter White speaking, who is this?”

Jesse cursed under his breath. He was occupied, probably with his family which was what the stoner couldn’t deal with right now. He needed that asshole to drive him to the hospital before his baby literally fell outta him and onto the kitchen floor. 

“Yo, Mr. White, it’s Jesse. I don’t know what’s happening but I need you to pick me up asap man” There was a pause which aggravated Jesse, there was no telling what was gonna happen but another pain struck his stomach, causing him to fall to the floor, phone still up to his ear as he winced angrily at the legs which had happened to fail him. 

“One moment, I’ll call you back on my cell” And with that, the line went dead. “Fucking shit!” Pinkman yelled in anger as he put his phone down and combed his fingers roughly through the thick of his hair. 

The cell went off again and Jesse was quick to grab it, but before he could answer, another wave of pain hit. “Hello? Jesse? Why the hell do you need me? Hank has just been gunned down, I’m at the hospital an--”

“I’M MISCARRYING YOU DUMBASS! I CAN’T DRIVE AND I NEED YOU TO GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE THIS KID DYES MY JEANS, YA HERE ME?!”

There was no answer as Walter hung up once again, Jesse just gave up trying to be angry as he dropped his phone and laid his head against the wall. There was no point in trying to go anywhere now, his baby was as good as dead. 

He just waited for a pool of blood to gather around his legs and for the pain to get worse. Images of what happened to his last kid and for once, Jesse actually started crying over the ‘thing’ inside him. He wanted to try again, but instead he was being punished. It wasn’t fair, he didn’t feel that he deserved this, he didn’t..

“JESSE!”

The front door slammed itself open and there stood Mr. White, his face pale and face in shock. If anything it was a little scary. “Well, fucking christ.. Didn’t you take your time” Jesse hissed, watching him walk over and grab his arm to help pull him to his feet. He could walk but only barely, in a way, he did appreciate this asshole assisting him. 

They got into the car and Walter immediately started the engine, driving away at what seemed like lightning speed. “When did the pains start?” Pinkman looked at him and gave him a bored look, so he was a doctor now? “I dunno, twenty minutes ago.. All I know is they fucking hurt like a bitch” 

Jesse leaned forward and groaned, grasping his stomach tightly as another stabbing pain travelled through it. They were doing pretty okay travelwise since they hadn’t gone through any red lights yet. “You might be okay, this happened with Walter Jr, and they managed to save him, so don’t worry okay?” 

The junkie didn’t reply, mainly because his body was wracked with so much pain, he didn’t feel like talking thanks to it. But it was also kinda because he hated it when White talked about his family, it made Jesse jealous since he was still being able to maintain a good life while being a meth cook. 

A few hours passed since the incident and Jesse found himself (again) in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and filled to the brim with morphine. Mr. White had disappeared for a while which Jesse had assumed was to go see Hank. He just lay there, relief filling his veins as well as the drugs from the IV. 

As it had turned out, the cramps were from dehydration and muscle strain caused by his vomiting, so at no point was Pinkman actually in danger of miscarrying. Stress was definitely a key factor to why he threw up, he made a reminder to himself to keep a level head in future and keep out of situations which would induce him to feel like that. He dreaded having this happen again. 

Secretly, he rested a hand over the base of his stomach and ran it over slowly, smirking at the fact they were still there. Alive and still growing which if anything made Jesse feel happy, he had promised himself he’d look after this kid and Christ, he was not gonna fuck up now. Not now. Not after such a shock that could have left him destroyed once again. 

“So how’s business been treatin’ ya since I last saw you guys?” Saul said, with his dumb grin plastered on his face, arms crossed against his chest while he looked the two men over. Jesse simply scowled when White stepped forward to talk for them, always the fucking sidekick, never the lead. “Well, since my contract with Gus, things have been going pretty well. I’m earning much more for my family and Jesse is finally being able to look after himself” 

This caused the junkie to flip him off as he walked over to one of the chairs in front of Saul’s desk, collapsing in one and glaring at Mr. White for even talking for him. 

“Good, good.. How about plans for the tax man? Cause I know that without an alias to how you guys are earning all this money, he’s gonna snatch not only ya money, but your freedom too” Both men froze at Goodman’s words, a little taken back because well, he wasn’t wrong. Jesse sighed and leaned on the desk, looking over at their lawyer with small smirk. 

“So what do you propose we do?” 

A half an hour drive killed Jesse internally. He had thought that his nausea had gone away completely, but god was he wrong. Being stuck in a moving vehicle for such a long time, made the junkie realise that. He hoped that wherever this magical place that Saul was taking them, would come into view soon. 

“Voila! We’re here!” Jesse looked out of the window and immediately frowned. They were pulling into a laser tag place which if anything was not what Jesse had been expecting when Goodman had said ‘A company to claim ownership to’, this place looked like a complete dump and that angered Pinkman. But it wasn’t like he could say anything, if he even dared to open his mouth, vomit was sure to come spilling out of it. 

The car eventually pulled up into the lot and all three men got out, Jesse proceeded to run over to a tree in which he threw up beside, coughing loudly as both Walter and Saul watched him. Their facial expression differed as White was completely unfazed while Goodman was kinda confused, face similar to that of a meth head attempting to pay for drugs. 

The stoner wiped his mouth and turned around, glaring at both of them as he walked past them and over to the building. “What’s his problem?” Saul asked, still confused. “Hormones..! Was all Mr. White said, walking past the lawyer and over to the doors, waiting for him to open them. 

Entering the laser tag place almost immediately bored Jesse to his core. Saul just blabbed on about taxes and what the place offered and constant drabble which if anything, Pinkman couldn’t give a flying fuck about. He wanted to be out of here, this place was not what Jesse wanted to buy. 

“Are you actually kidding me? This place will only drag us down man. How are we meant to cook meth and run a business at the same time?” 

Saul sighed and walked over to him. “Listen here Hip-Hop, without this place, both you and Walter will go to jail. Without an alias the tax man will think your tax dodgers and will take all your cash away. And anyway, all you’ll be doing is owning it, it’ll have a boss and employees, the only thing you’ll have to do is pay rent. And I heard it’s pretty cheap”

White now stepped into the picture, standing above Saul. “How cheap we talking?” There was a pause before the lawyer spoke. “About two thousand a month” 

Well, as it seemed Jesse couldn’t speak for himself again. No matter how hard he argued with Mr. White, there was no winning this battle of whether or not they should buy it. White had said yes, they’d handed the money over to Saul and now Jesse was sat on the sidewalk, grumbling away to himself when the lawyer came outside, deciding to sit next to him. 

“Look kid, I know this isn’t the best place but you’ve got nothing to lose. Stop sucking ya thumb and man up okay? Ya have to focus on what’s going on right now and how this is gonna be good for you, and that baby of yours..” Jesse snapped his head around to face him, his eyebrows furrowed into a frown. “How d’you know about that?” Goodman smirked at the junkie and looked over at the tree which Pinkman had thrown up at earlier. 

“Ya not good at hiding it kid, the throwing up and the fact ya stomach is popping through ya shirt. It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s going on.. Ya probably doin’ this on ya own aren’t ya? So this business will do you guys some good, some spare cash left over will be helpful, trust me okay?”

Lowering his head, Jesse simply sighed and nodded his head. He guessed Saul was right, even though he wanted to punch him square in the nose right now since the laser tag shit had annoyed him. It also made the stoner worried, how noticeable was his stomach? 

He was still wearing baggy shirts but whenever he stretched or bent over it was becoming obvious when the shirt clung itself tight to his skin and showed off the hidden curve. Four months going on five was proving tough now, at least in the case of trying to stop people finding out. 

Jesse sighed as he finally got home from that shitty ride in Saul’s car, he shut the door slowly and leaned his back against it. He was exhausted despite it only being late afternoon, but with his body now changing and having to supply energy not only to him but his kid too, it was becoming increasingly difficult to stay awake or get up out of bed anymore. 

Deciding to fight against his lethargy since he didn’t exactly want to be defeated by this pregnancy, he couldn’t let himself. A drug dealer. Be held back by something so common. 

He collapsed onto his sofa and turned on the television when his attention was brought to his cell phone going off on the kitchen counter with that shitty ringtone which the junkie never really bothered to change. 

Pinkman stood up with slight difficulty and wandered over to it, his face contorted though into a frown when he realised it was Badger calling. He was tempted to ignore the call but for the sake of it, pressed the answer button on his cell and held it up to his ear. 

“Yo, what do you want?” Jesse growled, just thinking of Badger pissed him off. “Hey Jesse, I just wanted to know if you’re okay.. I can guess its my kid but I just wanna know if maybe you want help or something? Like when it comes cause ya know, I still do care and stuff..” 

The young junkie sighed heavily and lowered his head, he hated that Badger was still trying to enter his life even after he shut him out. He was not ready to have him come running back, or even be there when the baby was born. “Uh, nah man.. I’m okay, thanks for the offer though”

As it turned out, their conversation lasted for a full half hour, or if you even want to call it a conversation since it consisted of Jesse yelling down the cell telling Badger to fuck off and suck a dick. 

Eventually, it came to him hanging up since he couldn’t take the other stoner’s stupidity any longer, the stresses of that phone call had really riled him up and made him light-headed. It brought on the urge to smoke and in Jesse’s angered state, he did not ignore that urge. 

He opened the kitchen drawer and pulled out a small bag of meth that he’d cooked himself, getting his pipe and then proceeding to collapse on the floor near the wall, leaning against it. He sprinkled the meth in with no hesitation and then began to heat it up. “Fucking hell, that asshole has done it now..” Pinkman grumbled to himself, watching as the drug began to bubble in the pipe and smoke drifted from it. 

Jesse wasn’t thinking straight, his brain boiling with fury allowing it to stay blank. He brought the pipe up to his lips. He needed this right now. To be calm. To relax. Get Badger out of his mind. Calm down. Be calm. Smoke. Smoking is the key. Smoking is..

Suddenly, there was a flutter from which Jesse was not expecting. The pipe had barely touched his lips when a sensation caught his attention, the young junkie looked down and he felt his anger melt away, but it was only then to be replaced with guilt. 

Without even thinking, he’d risked the life of his kid and it seemed they were trying to get him to notice that. From the books he had read up on, that fluttering sensation is meant to be kicking. Jesse’s baby had just kicked for the first time. “Fucking Christ..” Pinkman whispered, throwing the meth pipe across the room and hiding his head shamefully in his arms. 

He had never felt so guilt in his life, well, apart from when Jane had died but he’d rather not think about that right now. The sensation started up again but Jesse ignored it, too ashamed to even acknowledge their existence. Its as if they knew, as if they sensed what he was about to do, which just made the junkie feel worse. 

“Ya know, there’s better ways of making me feel like shit. Ya know, with the sickness and the backaches.. But ya know, ya pulled that. Not cool man, not cool” 

Slowly, Jesse stood up with slight struggle due to his weight and walked over to his sofa. He fell into it with a loud thud and carefully lifted up his shirt, revealing the hidden curve which had come to show itself within the four months since Jesse had gotten pregnant. 

He sighed heavily and dragged his hand over it, stopping over the area in which he could feel the fluttering and poking at it, in an attempt to halt their movements. 

“Come on dude, settle down.. It’s like you’re having a party in there” Pinkman suddenly smiled to himself and poked the area again, they had stopped. If anything, it made Jesse feel like that had listened to him, they knew he was there alike how he knew they were there. 

The sensation of withdrawal flashed over him though since he’d been getting used to them moving, it felt strange not having them kick. The stillness in his stomach was odd and that panicked the stoner, but just as he was about to say something, a small flutter put him in his place.


End file.
